


Swans of London

by Eliza_Shakecake



Category: Bartimaeus - Jonathan Stroud
Genre: Another one of those 'Nathaniel survives' fanfictions, Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26044057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliza_Shakecake/pseuds/Eliza_Shakecake
Summary: During Book 3. Nathaniel and Bartimaeus watch Makepeace's 'Swans of Araby' and are influenced by it.Or: What would have happened if Bartimaeus had had a break now and then.Or: Bartimaeus and Nathaniel throwing around banter like they were meant to be.
Relationships: Bartimaeus/Nathaniel (Bartimaeus)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When first reading the series I ended up shipping Nathaniel and Kitty. But after re-reading it now after years, I'm seeing Natti more in a queer way (at least bi). Anyone else make that journey ?

“You will be delighted, my dear, _delighted_ !“

That was what Makepeace had said. That was also what Mandrake had agreed in return.

He hadn't meant it, of course. Who in their right mind would ? They were talking about a whole week of resurrected past Makepeace plays, a Best of Week if you wanted.

Wanting to keep his position like the rest of the British ministers, Mandrake had sat through all of them. He had made Bartimaeus watch them with him, because there was no way he would suffer through this alone; and also because he was the one of his servants he could spare the most right now (What was it with that djinn lately ? He was becoming weaker before his eyes.)

They sat through _Merry Mermaids of Brighton, The Taming of the Sorceress, A Midsummer Night's Cantation, Fauns of New York, The Importance of Being Magical, My Love's an Eastern Maid._

And worst of all, they sat through _Swans of Araby_.

That last night of this week, returning home, Nathaniel was both outraged and amused to equal parts.

 _No one_ would fall in love with a djinn, let alone _sing_ about it..... _for hours_ !

“What a stupid play.“ Nathaniel muttered.

“You didn't like it ?“ Bartimaeus, who had turned into the Egyptian again, feigned shock. “What exactly was it that threw you off ? The bad, see-through effects ? The rubber swords ? The badly sown turbans ? Forget about the turbans, they were at least two centuries off anyway.1“

Nathaniel threw himself on his couch. “Everything !“

“With that sigh you could have a bright future in acting. Lower the drama a bit and you might just fit in the plays.“

“Don't remind me !“ The man groaned, thinking back to his own cameos here and there in Makepeace's plays.

“ _Worry not, princess, I will carry your sorrow away on the morning wind !_ “ Bartimaeus dropped on one knee to deliver with much gusto2.

Nathaniel hid his face in the cushions, yet couldn't help a grin from growing.

“And that wasn't even HALF the lard they put on that line on stage !“

“You think so ?“ He could her the djinn say with a grin. “What about: _Oh fairest of the fairest of women, your brow is like the arch of the sun, your smile like its radiance !_ “

A giggle came out of Nathaniel's mouth.

“Or: „ _The mountains ! Oh, the mountains ! I will crush down with my very hands, should they every be in your, my princess', way_.“

Nathaniel could not decide whether to put his hand on his laughing stomach or in front of his mouth, in case the lines got even more sickening.

“Why art thou laughing ?“ Bartimaeus demanded to know, crouching closer on his knee to the couch and still speaking with the dramatic deep pitch of the play's djinn. “Doest thou laugh at me, princess ??“

Before he thought about it, Nathaniel answered in the higher pitch of the princess:

“ _My light, my star, my djinn, I could never leave you !_ “

“ _Why is it that you are lying so on these cushions, princess ?_ “ Bartimaeus replied. “Hey, see, I didn't have to change that line !“

“ _Oh, the world, my love, the world ! It is so cruel to us !_ “ Nathaniel continued the line, his voice turning even higher.

“ _Yes, yes, so very cruel !_ “ The djinn replied, imitating Nathaniel's pitch and making them both laugh.

“I'm not _that_ high !“ The man shoved him, laughing.

“ _Oh, yes, you quite are !_ “ Bartimaeus answered in an even higher pitch while using the princess' line. “ _You are the djinn for me !_ “

Their replies were becoming higher and higher in pitch. So much so, that it sounded like an Eunuch had hit his toe3.

“ _But, lo ! What is this sound I hear with my superhuman senses ?_ “ Nathaniel intoned the deep voice of the djinn, jumping from the couch in an heroic pose.

“ _I would not know, my senses are only that of a human_.“ Bartimaeus swooned in a high pitch to his feet.

Nathaniel enclosed his lifted arm with both his hands.

“ _Up, up, into the night we shall go, leaving them behind us and their cruelty !_ “

Bartimaeus batted his eyes.

“ _But, oh, my love, can we really ? Is there such a way for us ?“_

Nathaniel pulled him up to his feet.

“ _I shall not rest till this is done. Even if it means turning this world upside down !“_

Bartimaeus put an arm around his waist, swinging him around and dipping him theatrically, the human's head close to touching the ground.

“ _I shall slay all the enemys of thine, my black haired beauty !_ “

“That line wasn't even in the play !“ Nathaniel laughed. The djinn shrugged.

“It had to match the circumstances.“ With that he let him drop to the floor.

“Hey !“

“ _That part_ was in the play, right before the fourth fight scene, remember ?4 Also, it _might_ also be connected to the fact that my mighty frame has become rather unmighty thanks to a certain someone rubbing his butt right now.“

“That talk again ?“

“Yeah, I talk, it happens.5“

“I'm too tired for this right now. Go patrol with the others.“

“As my _princess_ commands.“ The djinn hissed before dematerializing.

“Hey !“ Nathaniel barked after him, but the djinn had gone.

That night, Nathaniel _was_ tired, almost more so than usual. But it still took him longer to fall asleep.

1In my opinion they could have been off since forever, as in not invented. Do you know how many people thought it fashionable to ban a djinn in there ? Luckily, no one so far tried to create a magical bowler hat.

2If you have talent like me don't hide it.

3Other people's words, not mine. I for one thing always thought Eunuchs surprisingly deep sounding whenever they hit their toes.

4I know the play had had cushions from the smoochy scene before. So what ?

5Even here, see ?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always felt that Nathaniel had the potential to join in Bartimaeus' banter and would have enjoyed it, but told himself that he had to be distant, even though they were obviously getting closer over time.

Bartimaeus still smelled yet a new assignment on the horizon when he felt himself being summoned after patrol.12

Maybe that was why he decided to enter the room as a cloud filled with various aromas of the building he so recently got scrambled with3. With no small amount of satisfaction the djinn noted that his creation was truly a blockbuster. Or a nosebuster, really. The way the magician squeezed his nose shut looked both painful and desperate. And was it even bringing tears to his eyes ? Oh my !

“Bartimaeus !“ Nathaniel shouted. It was a remarkably close reenactment of the times he had heard humans scold their pets for taking a dump on the carpet, bed, urn, etc. The man should _really_ consider a career in acting.

“ _Why ?!_ Stop it this instant !“ His master managed to say, fighting for a tunnel of better air for his words by flailing around his hand. It looked like he was fighting off mites.

“Oh, you mean this ?“456 Some coughing on Nathaniel's part. “That's just a little reminder of what I had to go through by not getting my leave.“

“But I-“ More Coughing. “-was just about to let you go !“

Imagine the thunder clouds moving aside for a glorious sunset; for your nose. The smell instantly vanished and was replaced by the Egyptian. The man took the first real breath in two minutes.

“Never do that again.“ Nathaniel murmured, still a bit green around the lip.

“I won't if you won't.“ The djinn fluted.

Collecting the composure he had lost7, the magician raised his voice.

“How was the patrol ?“

“Essence splitting. Next. Send me home now ?“

“Did you meet any other demons ?“

“Can't you ask Ascobol, Cormocodran, Mwamba or Hodge ?“

“I already did, now I am asking you.“

“Tell me, did Mwamba appear as that faceless geisha again ? It's so creepy hearing her talk, but not seeing a mouth to go with it, right ?“

“Bartimaeus..“

“It is really hard to concentrate with my essence all itchy, you wanna feel ?“

The djinn held out an arm and had made sure to cover every inch of it in green oozing warts.

“Bartimaeus-“

“I'm sure it was also pretty nasty looking down here..“ The Egyptian started raising his tunic to check.

“Fine !“ Nathaniel yelled and spoke the necessary words to send him home.

“ _I beg thee, princess, do not cry too much while I'm departed_.“ Bartimaeus recited while dematerializing.

When the djinn was gone, Nathaniel rolled his eyes heavily at the empty pentacle, while answering:

“ _My cries will flood the rivers_.“

Still making a face, he couldn't stop the small grin from breaking out.

“That idiot..“ He muttered, the grin now widening.

It was while Nathaniel was in the middle of paperwork, when the active thought ran through his mind, how much he enjoyed their banters. Very brief, he wondered if this was what it was like with friends. It did remind him of the friendships he had heard of in the few fable stories he had read. Less brief, he wondered if Miss Piper would also be good in such exchanges. Probably not. Also, there was a professional distance to be kept. Miss Farrar also had the same flaws. Plus, she, like every other magician, was only a temporary ally. It would be most disadvantagous to have a foe in possession of such, personal knowledge of yourself. No, he was actually pretty good with Bartimaeus.

Parallel to his official paperwork, he got out another paper and enjoyed himself more than he would have thought and cared to admit with plotting comebacks from the play to throw at the djinn once he was back.

When he was in the pentacle ready to call Bartimaeus, he got out his notes. Looking at the hand holding the piece of paper, Nathaniel saw that he was shaking. He was nervous. Why now ? Had he not summoned countless demons by now and wasn't there little risk in summoning a demon he had already succesfully summoned before ? He took a deep breath. His hand stopped shaking. He had another look at the piece of paper. Also, his memory was excellent; he had read all the lines countless times even though he still remembered them all from the play.

Just after having spoken the last word to call Bartimaeus, his eyes quickly flew to the paper in his hand, the arrival of the demon making his eye skip a line and use a different one instead.

When Bartimaeus felt himself being summoned, he entered the room with an expression of reserved bafflement. That was, he looked confused. There _definitely_ was less rosemary in the air8. Was that a new fad among magicians, 'Live now, Live dangerously, Say no to rosemary'9 ? Or was it only Nathaniel who was getting cheap ? Maybe the guy lost his job.10 Or his memory.11 Or his job because of his memory. Or maybe his colleagues didn't like his new, short haircut after all. What a bunch of liars. While the djinn was checking the circle around him out of habit, the magician in front of him opened his mouth:

“ _It seems once more I have been summoned to this Earthly Realm after all this time._ “

The djinn looked thoughtful.

“It wasn't actually _that_ long. You see, back home time works a little differently. I also believe you got something mixed up, I – oh, I get it.“ Bartimaeus cleared his throat and continued in a voice that was much higher and much happier, with a dash of melancholy for the tissues: “ _It felt like oceans of time !_ “ Then in his usual voice. “It actually didn't, Natty, but it was a start.“ Then once more higher. “ _How to bear the bangs of separation ! The perils of loneliness !_ “ Toward the end, he had sunken on his knees, one hand theatrically on his forehead.

Nathaniel was having a blast and trying not to show it, at least not too much. Quickly, in his mind's eye he looked up the next line he had wanted to use (the paper proved too treacherous) and spoke with the deep voice of the plays's djinn:

„ _So many dangers in this world, too much for any mortal._ “

Bartimaeus looked up from his swoon and said in his voice. “That's true, how do you do it ? Oh wait, it's the same for djinn.“ Then in the voice of the princess. “ _Then as you said, oh wise djinn, let us go away.“_

“ _But where to, my princess ?_ “ Nathaniel asked.

“ _Where no swords will harm you, no wind shall disturb, no word hinder !_ “ Bartimaeus replied, taking over the role as djinn and walking over to the edge of his pentacle, hand outstretched toward Nathaniel. For a moment it looked like he would take it, then he remembered both himself and a line of the princess: “ _Please let us depart as once and as one from this place !_ “

“ _This place truly is peculiar. Me thinks there is a lack of moonlight_..and rosemary.“ Bartimaeus ended in his own voice.

“ _Is this the magic of the night ? Your world, oh djinn ?_ “ Nathaniel asked in a high voice.

“No it isn't, I swear.“ Pause. „ _Let us see a new world, unseen by any eyes !_ “

“ _Yes, a place of rest. For you look weary._ “ Nathaniel chirped.

“Is that it ? Rest ?“

“ _We must both let our bodies rest upon this new dawn. I know thine is the body of a spirit, but still my woe is with you in battle._ “

“Actually couldn't agree more.“ Pause. “ _Do not worry, oh fair one, oh mortal one, I shall never leave you for good.“_

“ _Oh why must you take leave ?“_

“I never said that. Let's keep talking about rest.“

“ _The fortunes are not with us and drive you into the arms of battle_.“

“Hold on. _Thy beauty was blinding me so much, I did not gather all your speech_.“

“I need you to watch Jenkins today. Follow him around.“

“But I just got back !“

“Maybe this way we will gather more information on this Hopkins.“

“ _Thou vixen ! I never knew such dark eyes could slay so much !_ “

“I want you to report to me as soon as you know more about Hopkins, his identity, his address. This afternoon you will find me at the council meeting, tonight at the minister's place. After that, at home.“

The djinn disappeared with the same smell he had arrived with, leaving the magician behind coughing.

1That, or it was my essence. It is _not_ looking good these days, all moldy and stuff. I really need a holiday.

2And I don't mean that in the sense some whiny humans, e.g. you, sometimes say. I don't even need a pool or a floaty thing for the water or an umbrella for my cocktail. Not even a cocktail ! Just a holiday.

3I call it 'Best of Pissoir'. You won't find it on any bazar, trust me.

4Imagine the equivalent of another round of farts, but without the sound. And nasty other stuff you humans might produce along the way.

5Like I said, I've been on this world for a long time.

6What is that you cough ? Too long ? Why yes, I quite agree.

7Don't worry about him, it wasn't much to begin with.

8Okay, I am being generous. There was none, nada, niente. No rosemary, not here.

9 Maybe you noticed that I don't wear shirts. But if I would, I would get one with that line printed on.

10Memo to me in case this turns out to be true: Remind me to taunt him later

What am I saying, taunt him either way.

11I'm pretty sure before I left I made it smell like- well, if you can't remember, scroll up and read it again.


	3. Chapter 3

Jenkins ? No biggie. The Mercenary ? Oh, please. Hopkins ? Piece a' cake. Speaking of cake, the foliots were quite tasty1.

A falcon was making its way towards the Prime Minister's mansion and looking very triumphant about it; and a bit fatter than the usual falcon.2 Without even stopping its fast flight in the slightest, it rushed down between the surrounding trees, the defensive barrier right in its gaze. Only experienced watchers would have been able to see what had really happened between the falcon seemingly crashing through the invisible barrier and the young man walking nonchalantly just a few steps after it.3

Nathaniel had lost interest in his drink the moment he had gotten it. It had been more of an alibi anyway. He loathed gatherings like this. Not only was it a waste of time, he had to pretend to like it. Also the Minister made him attend it. In that way it was very much the standing version of seeing a Makepeace play.

The hand holding the glass went up to his mouth to take a sip, then sunk back down. He wondered how Bartimaeus was doing. After his faux pas this morning with Gladstone's Staff, he was more than in need of good news.

Also, he was frankly tired to be in need of good news. His hand wandered toward his mouth again, then fell back down once more.

To top it off, he had to stand around looking like an idiot with this lizard mask. Not that he disliked lizards, they were quite beautiful in a way, but dressing up and make believe..it seemed childish to him. His only consolation was that everybody else had to do it as well. There were peacocks and bears, lions and fish. And somebody he did not recognize at all coming his way.

The man had a mask resembling an overly jolly human and was wearing dark jeans, vest, and shirt with rolled up sleaves. His slightly darker skin and black hair also stood out. He almost looked like the adult version of the Egyptian boy Bartimaeus was so fond of portraying.

Wait...Bartimaeus ?

He looked _good_.

The djinn walked right up to him, bowing gracefully, before coming closer and saying in a deep voice:

“ _Your worry has an end, my princess, and this end starts now_.“

Nathaniel had so many questions (one of them – which was pretty high up - was whether he should respond in a high voice). He blurted out the first thing that came to mind, asking about Jenkins and Hopkins. While he did so, his voice kept changing in pitch. Maybe that was the reason Bartimaeus also kept switching to report in his usual voice and in the deep voice of the play, throwing in a citation here and there for good measure.

“ _And like a comet they fell from the sky !_ “4 He probably would have thundered had they been alone and instead opted for medium volume.

At one point, Nathaniel had almost said ' _Their way of waring worries me_ ' in a high voice, then remembered were they were and instead kept asking about the ropes and trucks the djinn had just told him about.

“ _Like a fox I followed those fiends and lo! I found them in_ the Ambassador !“ Bartimaeus ended his epic tale.

The magician's eyes widened considerably. “The Ambassador ?“

“ _The Ambassador._ “ The djinn nodded, rumbling in the deepest voice he could manage.5

Nathaniel's eyes were ablaze with all the possibilities these news offered him.

Before he could even begin a proper answer6, a young woman made her way over to them.

“Who's that, Mandrake ?“ Jane Farrar asked, her face hidden under the plumage of a colorful bird.

With satisfaction, both djinn and magician noted that the other was unable to see through the disguise.

“This,“ Nathaniel indicated with a show of his open palm, “is a friend. A very helpful one.“

“Sure am.“ Bartimaeus added heartily.7

Farrar's brows furrowed. “But, that voice...that's your demon ! Be..Ba..“

“Bartimaeus.“ Nathaniel said faster and prouder than I could8.

The woman leaned forward, as if being kind enough to offer an advice no one should know about.

“You shouldn't hang around at the party with your slave. It makes you look lonely.“

The djinn furtively glanced over to the magician to see how he would take it. Nathaniel regarded her calmly and let the comment hang between them for a moment.

“And who are you 'hanging around' with ?“ He was able to make it sound neutral and yet venomous at the same time. Way to go, Natty.

The change of color in her face was instantenous. Several times she opened and closed her mouth like a carp9.

“You're pathetic !“ She declared; then stormed off. Alone.

“Please do tell that your _friends_.“ Nathaniel called after her, somehow able to make it sound innocent. Then he turned to Bartimaeus and took a sip of his drink in what must have been the most smug way in _centuries 10_. Bartimaeus grabbed himself a glass of his own from a waiter, just so they could do a clinking toast, the elite party version of a high five. Nathaniel was in high spirits from here on out. With a nod of his grinning head, he beckoned the djinn to come with him to see the minister.

Watching him from the side, the way Nathaniel walked – no, paraded – over to Deveraux reminded the djinn just a little of a much younger version of him carrying the Amulet of Samarkand.

The news Nathaniel had for the minister made his eyes behind the bull mask pop out more than any red piece of fabric could have. The whole round of ministers was immediately assembled and it was quickly agreed that they couldn't agree quickly. Dates were tossed around and eventually they settled to act against Hopkins in a week's time, on the day of the premier; the minister wanted to get the business over with, so he could enjoy himself fully in the evening.

Even after parting from the ministerial group and going back to their own spot at the party, the djinn could not detect displeasure in the magician at the delay. It was like someone had replaced Nathaniel with a holiday version of himself.

As if to test the djinn's hypothesis, Makepeace swayed over to them. The bard's only point of support seemed to be the hand that he had firmly on the hips of the younger man next to him. The small flaw in his plan was that said man was just equally as unsteady.

“Maaandrake !“ Makepeace lilted, his face half hidden under the face of a goblin. As if it had been the punchline to a joke, the swan man attached to him couldn't stop giggling.

“Oh, Mandrake, can you believe it ? Only a week's time, I can hardly sleep !“ Saving Nathaniel the necessity to come up with a response, the man continued. “By the way, this young man here is the star of my newest little play, Bobby Watts ! Say hi, Bobby.“. The Swan waved. “Hi !“.

Another round of giggling, a duet of goblin and swan. The goblin's eyes then fell on Bartimaeus. The djinn could feel his gaze scan his body up and down. For a moment, he thought the magician was checking the planes and reminded himself that he had disguised himself as a human11 all the way up to the seventh plane.When he noticed the magician's gaze hovering over his crotch a considerable amount of time, he realized the human was indeed checking him out, just not in the way he had worried about. Swallowing down what was probably drool12, Makepeace turned to Nathaniel again.

“And who might this handsome fellow be ?“13

“A friend of mine.“ Nathaniel answered and this time the djinn gave his answer with a nodding grin.14

Makepeace's face did an interesting turn from delight to surprise, all the way over chagrin, then ended at its final destination of knowing. He winked at Nathaniel. “I _see_. Congratulations.“ He winked again, making it seem obvious that Nathaniel should know what exactly he was congratulating him for.

“But, really,“ Makepeace went on, sobering up, “time _does_ fly ! Oh, and speaking of flying..“ He gave the Swan a wobbly smack on his behind, “...be a dear and fly off to get us some drinks, darling, thanks !“ The man giggled again and waddled off. Makepeace seemed to be in need of a new center of balance and held onto Nathaniel's shoulder, taking him a little to the side. Quickly he bounced back to shoot Bartimaeus an apologetic glance. “I won't be stealing your boyfriend for long, I swear !“ The bard's head turned back to Nathaniel.

“There is something very important I ought to show you, Mandrake, very important. But I seemed to be unable to get a hold of you so far. Tell me, when would you be free to meet me this week ?“

The time it took Nathaniel to look like he was going through his plans in his head apparently was too long for the bard. He waved hurriedly. “Never mind, I'll send you a letter in the morning.“ Then he took him even further aside. “How serious is it ?“

Now Nathaniel did not have to pretend to look confused.

“Serious ?“

Makepeace's eyes darted between him and the djinn in one big eye roll.

“Just someone on the side ? You see, I've never seen you _in company_ and especially not at a semi-official occasion..“

Apparently Makepeace took his dumbfounded look the wrong way and went on very lightheartedly.

“Promise me, you'll tell me when the two of you are over...my, my, Mandrake, he IS quite a looker !“ The bard had turned his head fully toward the djinn and was fanning himself.

As his swan returned, he let go of Nathaniel and together the pair swayed away.

“So that's the guy we owe all these lines to.“ Bartimaeus pondered aloud, looking after the drunk goblin. His voice was high pitched when he next spoke, “ _I have to confess my astonishment !_ “

Nathaniel snickered, took hold of the djinn's empty glass and got them two new drinks while leaving the glasses with a passing waiter.

“ _To the night, the stars and this realm of wonder !_ “

Nathaniel kept his high spirits up. He was so high in spirits in fact, that he became high in spirits in his body as well15. Swaying slightly, he even had asked Bartimaeus to ride in the car with him as he left the party.

When they arrived back home and the car had driven off, the djinn helped him into the house and up the stairs to his bed.

“You... _really_.. are fun to hang with..“ Nathaniel slurred against his neck.

The human must have mumbled, for the djinn could have sworn he called him 'friend' here and there.

The next morning wasn't kind to the magician. Groaning slightly, Nathaniel sat up in his bed. He saw Bartimaeus turning his gaze away from the window.

“Mornin', Snoring Beauty.“ He greeted him. If Nathaniel hadn't known any better, he could have sworn his words were to distract him from the expression he had had on his face before. Shrugging, the magician crawled out of bed. The djinn followed him, watching him make his breakfast with some curiosity.16 Nathaniel put his prepared meal outside on the table. Bartimaeus stood nearby out of habit.17 He wondered vaguely who was going to visit as Nathaniel put a cushion on the second chair. Then the magician looked at him.18 The djinn looked back.

“Don't you want to sit down ?“

A little surprised, Bartimaeus sat down and immediately was offered a glas of orange juice. Nathaniel raised his glass. “To justice !“

He clinked his glass against Bartimaeus'. The djinn noted he was becoming slightly obsessed with that glasses clinking thing.

Just then they heard the door open and a few moments later Miss Piper walked onto the terrace.

She looked about to read a full report from her notes, then noticed the third person.

“Mr. Mandrake, excuse me, I hadn't been aware that you were in company.“

“Miss Piper, this is a friend of mine. But please do continue with your report.“

While the woman droned on the background, the djinn felt something warm in his stomach. Probably the orange juice.

1But, please, Hopkins, pal, lay off the salt next time.

2Hey, I wanna see YOU eat for foliots and not gain weight.

3Like I said, somebody else but you might have seen that I turned into a newborn flea right at the exact split moment

4And into my belly. Talkin' about the foliots again.

5Actually it wasn't. I could have gone wayyy deeper, but then elephants and wales would have heard me instead of Natty, which had been kinda my goal.

6For example, but not limited to: thanking me on his knees, sending me home, professing my profound slyness, posting an excerpt of my past glorious deeds on every streetlamp in London

7Not very witty, I know. Some malicious people might even call it 'lame'. But bear with me, I was fresh in shock about that 'friend' bit

8In _this_ body. Come on, give me credit. Also, still in shock.

9A weird carp with the head of a bird.

10And I've seen magicians drink smugly since before glas was even invented.

11And a handsome one at that, as befitting of my character

12He was looking at _me_ , after all. In fact, it was so much drool, he could have done the job for Moses

13OF COURSE he was nodding in my direction.

14I'm getting warmed up, okay ?

15As in alcohol in his body, not djinn. What are you thinking ?

16You never know when your master slips and cuts off his own head.

17It also wasn't like I had somewhere else to go. To be, yes.

18Treating me to the sight of watching him chew toast. Keep making my day.

**Author's Note:**

> Boy, is writing Bartimaeus fun !


End file.
